Encouragement for Single Parents...

Encouragement for Single Parents………..
by Carmen Hernan

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of reading statistics that highlight the societal odds that are against my children. I'm annoyed with the constant reminder that, because my children are being raised in a single parent home, my daughter is statistically more likely to become a teenage mother, and that my son is more likely to be a high school dropout and a convict. I don’t intend to discredit the investigative work of others or minimize the importance of the role of fathers. I would like to encourage single parents to have hope in the work that God can do in our children's lives.

We all know that the single-parent home structure is not the way God designed families to operate. Families will always work best when they function according to God's plan. Children need their mothers and their fathers, there is no doubt. That is God's design.

I am convinced not one parent has gazed at a precious little sleeping bundle in his or her arms and whispered, "I just can't WAIT to raise this little one…..on my own." We have come to this reality for different reasons and under a variety of circumstances. Single parents are raising children in a situation not designed by God.

A year ago, my son asked me, "Mom, does the Bible say that God hates divorce?" I replied affirmatively. He followed up with the question, "So, then why are you divorced?" I had to take a deep breath as I waited for the sting of that piercing question to subside. Then I explained to my son that we often do not meet God's standard, which is why we need His forgiveness. However, not meeting God's standard does not mean it is no longer existent or important. God still wants married couples to stay together for a lifetime. He still wants children to be raised in that context.

So…now what? Will God abandon us to our own recourse because we do not have the family structure He designed? Or, will God work with us where we are and with what we have? I believe He does the latter.

Rather than focus on what we don't have to successfully raise our children as single parents, we can focus on what we do have. First of all, we have a faithful God, and He has told us: Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5

The reality of single parenthood is overwhelming and yes, often exhausting. We know that not having another adult to share in the domestic tasks, help with homework, chauffeur the children to the activities, correct them, feed them, nurture them, encourage them, love them, play with them, pray with them, etc. is daunting. "It never ends!" is a comment another single mom commented to me the other day. Yes, we are one person doing the job of two. However, we are not alone. God is always present, knows our needs and our children's needs, and He is faithful to meet them.

A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation. Psalm 68:5

God is always with us. If we have accepted Jesus as our Savior, we can constantly walk with Him, consult Him and seek Him. God has entrusted me with the well-being of these two lovely human beings He has created. When I am realistic about my limitations, I wonder what He was thinking! However, God is a constant source of encouragement and strength for me. As a constant reminder of the life I want my family to have, I posted the following Bible passage on a wall in my living room:

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deutoronomy 6: 5-8

Yes, these are commandments. Yet, these are also promises. God tells us things will go well for us and our territory will expand if we follow these commands. As a parent it is my responsibility to model for my children how to walk and talk with God. These verses are loving commandments because they invite us to fellowship and intimacy with God. Just as I command my children to brush and floss every day to prevent tooth decay, God commands us to walk with Him daily to prevent truth decay (I did not coin this phrase, I heard it somewhere). Christianity is a lifestyle. We have a heritage we can pass on to our children.

While I don’t have a spouse under my roof to consult when making decisions, I can ask God what to do. Yes, God does answer prayer. If I teach my children to consult God and involve Him in the little things in life, then they will not have to wait until they experience tragedy to turn to Him. I want walking with God to be as natural to them as breathing. We can also pray for our children. I am already praying for God to give them godly spouses. It is not too soon. The prayer of a parent for a child is powerful intercessory prayer.

We also have God's Word. We can use the Bible as our training manual for our children. While He commands us to: Train up a child in the way he should go: He also promised: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6. The Bible is an inexhaustible resource for us and our children.

God couples His spiritual companionship with the fellowship of our local church. We have our home church as a resource. It is not a sign of weakness or incompetence to ask for help. In fact, God uses our brothers and sisters to help meet our needs. My children and I have already received a lot of love and support from other members at Capital. Several men have interacted in positive ways with my son.

In our March 2008 newsletter, one statistic that stood out to me was that only 5% of the single parent family population attends church regularly. The question I pose is, are single parents not attending because they are not aware of the wonderful resource a church family can be, or is it because the churches are not meeting their needs? I don't have the answer to that question, but I do know the Singles ministry at Capital is moving in the right direction.

In her book Single Moms Raising Sons, Dana Chisholm comments that children who are raised in two parent homes can also have negative outcomes if their parents aren't involved in their lives. So, another key to our children's success is our level of involvement. There is no replacement for being an active part of our children's lives. We have time to invest in our children.

God has also provided multiple ministries and resources to assist us with our parenting. We have lots of information. A lot! There are many ministries with websites that give free articles and tip sheets on parenting. Some websites that I visit regularly are: www.homeword.com, www.newlife.com, www.family.org and www.familylife.com. There are also many books which share wisdom and insight for single parents. Some books that I have found helpful are: Successful Single Parenting (Gary Richmond), Single Parenting That Works (Dr. Kevin Leman), and Moms Raising Boys (Dana Chisholm).

So, what's the difference between what society says my children will become and what I believe they can become? The main difference is we have God in our lives. Jesus is the head of our home. As I learn to rely on God more and more, I am teaching my children to do the same. We are also connected to a strong church home. Single parents, I want you to have a hope that is not based on feelings, but on the reality and truth that, if you walk with Him, God will always present in your lives. His presence, His truth and His promises are more powerful than any statistic or societal trend.